Saturday, August 1, 2009

Tired and often despairing

Yes, tired. Sleep fine at night but still so tired! I remember last weekend when I did fairly heavy gardening for hours on end and cleaned the house! What was I ON?

Only my right top and bottom canine teeth touch again. It feels awful. I can just get two teeth together on the other side but that's with a very hard squeeze (which I shouldn't be doing). So it seems like things are getting worse not better. I could not physically chew if I was allowed to. I am hoping it's because my orthodontist has moved the canines back. He told me he was going to do that. If I'd realised it would create this situation I would have asked him not to!

So this is how I'm coping: I'm trying to pretend I'm someone who's never had a bad cold before and has no experience from other people either. I catch a bad cold and feel miserable. Then I am my surgeon, assuring me that the illness goes away! Then the novice with the cold (me with my swollen jaw joint) has much trouble believing the surgeon-me. But, as a rational adult, just has to believe him.

Certainly all evidence suggests he is right. On a post op panex shot he sent me (hard copy I'm afraid, I can't put it up for you), there is a big gap at one side of the ball at the top of the left joint. And the joint spasms occasionally and complains loudly when I yawn. The other side is pain free. And my surgeon is in no doubt at all that it will heal fully.

Of course the despair is there... I envisage another surgery.... all the what-ifs in my mind keep churning around.

So then I fret about why this had to happen, it would all be so perfect if it hadn't. But hey, there's hardly any point, is there, this is real life. I would probably be so positive about the whole thing I'd be mouthing off on the yahoo orthognathic support website and annoying other people.

Strangely the eating is no longer bothering me much. We make our own bread and I arose from my full morning back in bed asleep to find a loaf my husband had made. It was fresh and warm. I had to try. Smeared on lots of butter, cut it small, inserted it in the small slot between my teeth, and mouthed it down. I had 3 slices. YUMMMMM. I had really bad pregnancy nausea esp with my second child - sheer torture and absolutely nothing to be done about it. This is easy compared to that. It takes me ages to eat enough to get full but once I am at least I have several hours off even having to think about it. Compared to 8 weeks of feeling horribly sick all the time and vomiting every day.... I would choose this over that any day. Mind you the pay-off was better for that, if much delayed! She is the yummiest little girl! In many ways I write this blog for her in case she needs the surgery one day and it helps her... her lower jaw.... cross bite, on a slope... not a good legacy to pass on. But she is gorgeous, she looks a bit like Drew Barrymore with curls.

I'd better go to bed.


  1. Healing and/or coming to terms with a less-than-perfect scenario by using one's imagination sounds like a good technique.

    Too bad I'm an mental deadbeat, and I can't bring myself to do it. Yet.

    If you read my message to Lilith on the Yahoo site, it explains why I'm so discouraged about my facial apperance right now.

    I, too, have thought (deeply) about the possibility of having to endure a second surgery. And LET ME TELL YOU....the mere though causes heart palpitations and migraine headaches. That is the LAST thing I want to have happen to me.

    Your husband sounds like an awesome cook...You are a lucky gal! Maybe you could FedEx some yummy homemade bread to Illinois!

    Children truly are delicious...they are a well-deserved reward for all we have to endure to get them here. The heartburn I had when I was carrying our youngest was enough to drive me near the edge. Not to mention that I looked like a huge, brown whale toward the end....

    Enough of my prattling....I certainly do hope that things will start to improve for you very soon.

  2. I TOTALLY forgot that brown sugar (about 1 tsp.) goes in the face scrub. Sorry!